If I could, I think, I would have chosen you.
The power to choose was with me, all along
but still I know you would never believe if I told you
that it was not me who was the one making the choices.

Many a times I feel, the choice for me was made
long long ago, even before I knew about decisions and their manifestations.
Long before I knew to think, rethink, long before I knew the power of my decisions 
over me, over you, over all of us.

In a vain, silly moment I decided without knowing that I was getting
into something I could never change, without wanting with all my heart.
Even to dare change it would alter who I was, who I am and who I will be.
The moment like one of those where passing by a field you discover the colour purple and stand transfixed.

It is my decision, but I feel no love towards it.
I don't feel enough hatred to tear away from it.
And I know my existence is stuck in a limbo.
Each breath tells me the tale of being hung forever and whispers ghastlily that its my own doing.

I listen to it and close my eyes, look upwards, look inwards and just die.

चाँद सी रोटी या रोटी सा चाँद

माँ अब मैं भी रोटियाँ बना लेती हू, कुछ टेढ़ी मेढ़ी, कुछ कच्ची पक्की
चाँद सी तवे पे अपने ही रंग रूप में जलती भुनती
कुछ गोरी गोरी निखरी सी, कुछ काली खट्टी नकचड़ी सी
गुंथे आंटे का रंग बदलता संवरता सा, कुछ सृजन का सा एहसास देता हुआ

सब अच्छा है माँ, अपनी रोटियाँ देख कर बड़ी ख़ुशी होती है
उनमें सब कुछ होता है
वो गोलाई, वो रंग, वो खुशबु
बस एक बात रह सी जाती है
माँ वो आपकी रोटी सी मुलायम कभी न बन पाती है.

I become the father, I become the child.
I run wild while I stand and smile.
Every minute it feels there is a transformation happening and every other second it speaks, almost reeks of it all being so utterly same.
Now there is a blush and suddenly the wrinkles form.
Now they are dark as the night and suddenly a hint of grey, I see moonshine.
Can't compare, can't say who is prettier, the young lass full of untouched anticipations in her eyes or the silver lady full of experiences sublime.
It is all the same. I see me. I hear me. I feel that bond.
The gurgling chuckles of the baby, the earthy laughter of the grandmother.
It feels good, it feels me, it transforms, it ignites. It is a passion, it is what keeps me calm!