Numb

Frozen, right to the core where the little butterfly called hope lives.
The flutter of its wings tears of the silence of the night.
Somewhere a dog picks up its ears.....trying to gauge the strength of the one who has dared to challenge the night.
The honey dipped moon sits silently perched on its ethereal throne, scared even to breathe.
Trees stand still, their leaves silent and the also the soul of the universe running through one and all.
The grass asleep until someone walks over and tramples it.
The butterfly is so utterly alone.....so beautiful but who shall see the many colourful hues that adorn her body. What is she supposed to do? What is expected out of her. Shez hope, not just for herself but for many many across the lands. Flutter till her wings give way....she will....but will that be enough? She wonders as she pushes the last few ounces of her energy into the flutter called life.

Existential apologies

It's again that time of the year....but why is it so different this time round. Time seems to be frozen at one moment and at another passing before my eyes like slides outside a time machine. It seems like just yesterday, when we stood outside the church holding hands and when I try to look deeper it seems like a dream set on a distant island ages ago.

So much has slipped through the hour glass ever since. Not just the tiny beads of timeless sand but fragments of me. I look at myself in the mirror and almost always expect an introduction from the other side. Feel high, but its not the high that the rains bring along or good times with great friends sadly not even something like what grass does.....its a numb high...with a piercing pain somewhere, not sure where exactly.

Coffin cries....

Long time.....a whirlwind of emotions, occurrences, questions and regrets. They say a life well lived is one without regrets....I fail to understand how. how can we not have regrets in life....a life where one has to take decisions day and night based on limited information, limited options and a strange sense of being individuals not really aware of who we are, what is it that we want at the end of it all. Not all our decisions can be right, it just is not possible; at least that is what I think. Another way of looking at it is when we do all that we think is right at any given moment we never have to regret at a later date that we failed to stand up to a given occasion. But doesn’t that in itself give rise to many a situations where we say...darn, I could have lived my life without doing this or that. Regrets then I guess are a part and parcel of our existence, whether we like it or not.

Sleepwalkin thru life.......

Mornings nights, nights mornings, feverish chase for something elusive
this that and a hell lot of running around, waiting chasing and carrying on

Running fast, really fast, and then panting puffing realising that you are not sure
where is it that you are running, what is it that you are chasing..

Religion is the opium of the masses

Part one

Tell me who are you, Hindu, Muslim, Sikh, Christian, Parsee, Jain, Jew or something else.

Did you choose who you wanted to be, were you even offered a choice ever to belong to a religion. No?

Did you ever consciously or unconsciously question anything in your religion?

Did you ever choose to decline or put a foot down against something that your faith practices.

Does your faith tell you that you are the most superior race or clan and are destined to meet God.

Do you believe that God (the formless, everlasting entity) is forever with you, when you lied for that petty gain for yours, when you dashed pushing aside people to take that seat on the metro/bus, when you made that lewd gesture at the lady, or when to seemed not no notice it when you saw some one else doing it?

Do you believe you are special, do you believe that God exists in lives, lives within your form and do you believe the same to be true for everyone else, including the beggar on the street, the durbaan who stands outside the AC restaurant you are visiting, all day long, the waiters inside, the urchin who just just brushed against your washed and bathed self, the old haggered woman trying to peer into faces as trying to recognize someone or something, the prostitute on the desolate street.

Life has always been so intriguing....so so very nastily weird...I have been blessed in more ways than one and I am grateful for that but that is not where all the song and dance ends. There are so many things that just put me to my wits end. Why is that there are certain things that I want just from specific people and when somebody else tries to do it, with the best of intensions mind you, the best I can be is plain irritated and unamused. While at the very same time when the one I want it to do does not indulge I am again in a foul mood......complex....right!

A part of me tears apart to be successful, powerful, famous while another just keeps pulling me back with arguments of the elusiveness of all of it. One says lo and behold look how enormous that building is, how palatial the surroundings are and what a fine spread it is. While the other says, oh! look what the government has done for the common man, hey, they are about to pull down the yamuna pushta jhuggis, oh ho its just the small fishes in the market that are meant to bear the brunt.

I wish things are easier, or I guess I were a bit more decisive, nevertheless the ifs and buts remain in full swing as of now!